When two glasses is too many
Taking a long timeout from alcohol
I woke up one morning last June (the 23rd to be exact) and decided to quit alcohol.
I won’t sugarcoat how painful it was to stop. I love the ritual, the cache, the anticipation, a nice Cabernet Sauvignon, an ice-cold Bombay Sapphire gin martini with fresh blue-cheese stuffed olives, a little bit of buzz and a lot of taking the edge off. I made a very conscious choice to cut myself off from something I very much enjoy.
What came first? The increasing physical and mental detrimental effects on me (don’t get me started on how aging has only accelerated it) or the I’m-having-some-no-matter-what daily drinking routine? Naturally I used it as a coping mechanism over the years and through life’s gut punches—hell, we all need something—but then, insidiously, it took over. It hijacked my mind, my body, my decision-making centers and my dopamine receptors. For quite a while now, my self-awareness that alcohol was not supporting me in living my best life couldn’t overcome my desire and rationale for it. (“But it’s my only vice!”)
Even as it increasingly became the center of my days, I couldn’t tell you the last time it felt fun or felt enjoyable beyond the first few sips. But no way was I giving up my daily comfort beverage! It’s only two glasses of wine, after all, how bad can that be?
Yep. All this for max two glasses of wine (12oz exactly, I know because I measured it out 90% of the time)—rarely did I drink more than that. Or if I really wanted to “let loose” on a Friday night, I might have a martini and a glass of wine, stressing all the while about if it was going to mess with my sleep or not (which it usually did.)
Feel free to laugh hysterically right now. I know, right? So little alcohol, so much drama.
There’s no one who knows me who would say I had a problem. Until . . . I found myself with a problem. When did I become someone whose days started to revolve around a substance that more than anything else made me feel so awful on so many levels? That is not me!
Alcohol is my kryptonite. Two glasses once or twice a week diminishes me a little but is totally fine, a treat, a good time, well worth the trade-offs. Two glasses every single night for years sabotaged my goals, my health, my well-being, and my commitment to my own self above all else.
It was time to take a time out.
Except for a “bucket list if I decide to never drink again” run in the second half of last December, I have not consumed alcohol in eight months. We opened that 2013 Caymus we’ve been saving all these years, had one last bottle of The Prisoner Cabernet Sauvignon, whipped up a batch of amazing Espresso Martinis (I do make a great cocktail), did that sort of last hurrah type of thing. I didn’t want anything hanging over my head if I decided to stop forever. I only wish I’d discovered the martini at Perry’s before this, but at least I got to try one. It was delicious!
You know what else is delicious these days? So many non-alcoholic beers. There are some excellent non-alcoholic sparkling wines. And most of the zero-proof cocktails I’ve had in restaurants and at home are really quite good and not too sweet; some are downright sophisticated. I am perfectly fine with simply drinking water too.
I’ve now accumulated many experiences where I would’ve previously chosen alcohol to enhance them, and yet, somehow, I have genuinely enjoyed those same experiences totally sober. When I think back, I don’t feel that my choice not to drink has detracted from any occasion that I have been telling myself all these years must be more fun with alcohol.
It was not easy to stop. I miss drinking. But I can honestly say there isn’t one aspect of my life that hasn’t improved even if I get a quieter kind of dopamine hit these days from things such as exercise and coffee and feeling proud of myself for embarking on this quest for living my best life. I sleep better overall, am more stable in my moods and consistent in my workouts, and I am way more productive. And for sure I would not be re-embarking on my writing if I hadn’t made this choice.
Alcohol-free Pri. This is someone I’m still getting to know. For this year at least, I choose not to drink. What the future holds is yet to be determined.
If you happily crack a bottle at home, casually order a cocktail at a bar, or easily clink glasses at book club or after golf and don’t think twice about it because you aren’t me, I envy you. I hope you enjoy every bit of it!
If you don’t drink alcohol and don’t think twice about it (these people exist, I’ve met them!), I envy you. Such peace must be nice.
I’m making my way in the undefined in-between. Turns out it’s not such a bad place to be.
Pri’s Preferences
Reads—
Any physical book/magazine/newspaper instead of a device
There’s something grounding about holding a book/magazine/newspaper in my hands, turning the pages, and absorbing the words/stories without all the brain-triggering scrolling and swiping that our devices require. I love my iPad, but physical forms of reading are my preference these days.
Writes—
”Be patient with the fitness process” by Pritam Potts
If you think I wrote this Fitness Corner column because of what I’m experiencing on my no-alcohol journey, you’re absolutely right.
Eats—
My sister’s gift debuts at Book Club
I had so much fun creating this Brie, fruit & crackers plate in this very cool serving dish my sister gave me and bringing it to my Denouement Dames to be appropriately oohed and aahed over. Thanks Sister!
Likes—
Bagnet
The cleverest and most effective magnetic purse holders! I’ve used one for years (pictured) and just picked up a few more (it’s a great hostess/friend gift) because they’ve been running a sale forever. As of today, the sale is still on . . .
Cheers, y’all!
Proud of you! ❤️
❤️❤️❤️